Bump in the Road

Last night I was saying to someone how life's road seems to come in big hills and flat plains, rather than just a few little bumps every now and then. It seems like when something is going wrong, another thing piles up on top of it, and another and another. And then you get back to the smooth parts of the road for awhile until something else bad comes along and you have to climb your way to the top of that HUGE hill. It's like feast or famine. You can't just have a few small problems, hardships seem to like to travel in groups.

I am not neccessarily thinking of anything in particular in my life right now, no big problems are in my way, just some minors concerns that wouldn't even constitute a "bump" in the road. But my roommate was talking about how all these things were piling up in her life and that's what made me think about this. Maybe it's not even that big things come together, maybe it's just that once one big problem arises we are in a more vulnerable position... so any other problems that come along seem monumental. That explanation seems more likely.

When I look back at my life, I can clearly see some big hills. Like in high school when my best friends decided I wasn't good enough to be their friend anymore and I slipped into depression and gained 60lbs. And when my sister tried to take her life and had to spend a week in a mental facility. I didn't know how to go on living my life when something like that had just happened. When that terrible thing happened, I felt kind of crippled, numb to everything in the world. Nothing had any color or joy. Everything was just existing around me, but nothing could penetrate the bubble around me which was keeping me sane but absent.

All I know now is that life is precious, and even though there are SO many days that I feel my life is insignificant, I try to remember what it feels like to be afraid that someone you love isn't okay. And I know that my life does mean something to that people that love me, even if it doesn't seem that important to me.