Depression

Have you ever had that feeling that a huge anvil, or something equally heavy, is sitting on your chest and you don't really know how it got there? Well I have. I have that feeling right now. It is making my chest tighten up and causing my breath to stagger. My eyes feel heavy and stingy. There is a lump in my throat... I have to swallow to make it go away. There is a persistant rythmic ticking in my head, like that of a clock. I don't know what to do to make these things go away.... all I want to do is crawl up into a ball and never wake up. God-I wish that would help me. But it won't, nothing will it seems.

Have you ever felt like you are in a tunnel and as you walk along it gets darker and dimmer until you can't see the light from the entrance or any indication of a exit? Well if you have then you know how I feel right now. I feel as if all the flowers in my garden have shriveled up and died. I cannot see the sun. Yet the rain does not come to bring me any refreshment from this awful grayness that is all around me.

The worst part of my gray cloudy world is that I don't know what brought on the clouds and I don't know how to bring back the sun. I want to remove the anvil from my chest that is pulling me toward the grave. I want to drive out the ticking in my head that is reminding me how every second of my life can either count for something or become another useless piece of my exsistence.